My Friend has Died. That's so difficult to write, much less verbalize. Yes, I know it happens to all of us. Knowing that doesn't help so much. Not at all actually.
The truth be told, I hadn't had any contact with her for 30 odd years ( by odd, I don't mean the opposite of even. I mean odd, as in weird). But Tammy was one of those types of friends where you could lose touch, but be right back where you were when you again were with her. You know, in your heart forever.
I had already been reunited with the other three women with whom I was close in college. Tammy was the remaining. Colette, my friend, Tammy's roommate has had Tammy's high school ring for all these years & wanted to return it. That got us pondering how to find her. Do you have any idea how many Tammy Smiths there are in Riverside County? Tons.
I had looked in Facebook. Colette had tried to find her too. But that Friday evening, with all four of us on Messenger, Heidi sends a screenshot of a name & phone number. "Is this her?" There's her husband's name, used to be her boyfriend. So that has to be it! "Yes! I'll call now!" So I did.
I'm happy I did...I guess. Maybe not. The news was bad. I couldn't understand why her husband was being so guarded; he knew me. I also couldn't figure out why I didn't hear her in the background. Why he wasn't giggling loudly so she would hear & know it was an old friend. Finally, he got to it. "...she died two weeks ago." My mind was racing. Why would he tell me this stupid thing? Why would he say that? I told him no. My head was spinning. My eyes knew it was true, even if my brain did not. I just could not understand what he had to gain by telling me this stupid joke. The entire time, he is repeating himself. "Yes she did."
Let me tell you: Thirty plus years melted away in a millisecond. I had just seen her! Neither of us aged at all. But one of us was gone...poof! Just like that. G O N E . Forever.
There's a little video clip on one of her pages. She's dancing. Just exactly as I remember. It brings her back to us if only for 45 seconds. But in that 45 seconds, my friend Tammy is alive! This is how she will always be in my memory. Dancing & Alive.
Rest in Paradise, Tammy Smith. I will love you forever.
The truth be told, I hadn't had any contact with her for 30 odd years ( by odd, I don't mean the opposite of even. I mean odd, as in weird). But Tammy was one of those types of friends where you could lose touch, but be right back where you were when you again were with her. You know, in your heart forever.
I had already been reunited with the other three women with whom I was close in college. Tammy was the remaining. Colette, my friend, Tammy's roommate has had Tammy's high school ring for all these years & wanted to return it. That got us pondering how to find her. Do you have any idea how many Tammy Smiths there are in Riverside County? Tons.
I had looked in Facebook. Colette had tried to find her too. But that Friday evening, with all four of us on Messenger, Heidi sends a screenshot of a name & phone number. "Is this her?" There's her husband's name, used to be her boyfriend. So that has to be it! "Yes! I'll call now!" So I did.
I'm happy I did...I guess. Maybe not. The news was bad. I couldn't understand why her husband was being so guarded; he knew me. I also couldn't figure out why I didn't hear her in the background. Why he wasn't giggling loudly so she would hear & know it was an old friend. Finally, he got to it. "...she died two weeks ago." My mind was racing. Why would he tell me this stupid thing? Why would he say that? I told him no. My head was spinning. My eyes knew it was true, even if my brain did not. I just could not understand what he had to gain by telling me this stupid joke. The entire time, he is repeating himself. "Yes she did."
Let me tell you: Thirty plus years melted away in a millisecond. I had just seen her! Neither of us aged at all. But one of us was gone...poof! Just like that. G O N E . Forever.
There's a little video clip on one of her pages. She's dancing. Just exactly as I remember. It brings her back to us if only for 45 seconds. But in that 45 seconds, my friend Tammy is alive! This is how she will always be in my memory. Dancing & Alive.
Rest in Paradise, Tammy Smith. I will love you forever.